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The Cost of Love

Amanda looked at her reflection in the bride’s room mirror. Her ice blond hair flowed down her back like a waterfall. As she moved, her velvet curls bounced, creating the illusion of having a life of their own. Her face was elegantly made up, her eyebrows were neatly plucked, her lips were cherry red and her cheeks just lightly pinked with blusher. She looked better than even she could have hoped for.

Once Amanda was quite sure that her face and hair were magnificent, she let her eyes roam around the rest of her appearance. Her white dress was perfect. It was the dress she had always dreamed of wearing on her wedding day. It was a beautiful princess cut, which hugged her torso and flared out, at the hips. There were thousands of tiny crystals, sewn into the skirt of the dress and, as the light caught them, they sparkled like stars in the night sky.

She looked exquisite and she knew that should have made her happy, but it didn’t. She knew that this was meant to be the happiest day of her life, but it wasn’t. Instead, the beautiful dress, which she had always dreamed of wearing, felt like it was suffocating her. The thousands of tiny crystals, which caught the light, seemed to shroud everything else in darkness, and her beautifully made up face, felt like a mask, which was hiding the pain she felt inside.

This was all wrong; she couldn’t help but think to herself. This wasn’t how it was meant to be. You were meant to marry for love, for happiness and for mutual respect and none of those things were present. In fact, the only thing that had pushed the wedding forward, was the business deal her dad had made with her fiancé. A business deal, which would save her dad’s company at the cost of her happiness.

Amanda tried to take a deep breath, but the air got stuck in her throat, making her cough. It would be time to leave soon. She could already hear the echoing of voices from the church’s hall and the louder the voices got, the panic seemed to fill her body. She could feel her hands shaking, as she tried to steady herself. This had to happen; it was too late to back out now. Amanda tried to find a happy place in her mind, but, as she let herself delve into the world in her mind, she found herself thinking about Tom.

Tom had been Amanda’s first and only real love. They had met at junior school and had grown up together. In high school Tom had asked Amanda out and she had said yes. They had been perfect for each other, everybody said so. Well, everybody but her dad. Amanda tried to clear the thoughts of Tom from her mind, she couldn’t think about him, not today, not when she was about to dedicate her life to another man.

She tried to change the direction of her thoughts, but she couldn’t. It was almost, as though, her memories had taken control and there was nothing she could do to stop them. She closed her eyes, as a new memory hit her, a memory, which she always tried to avoid. She couldn’t today though, as much, as she tried to block it out, she could see it.

It was the look in Tom’s eyes, which showed her the moment his heart broke into pieces. It was almost, as though, the light in them had died. The moment it happened, something changed, she had felt, as though, she was standing in front of a stranger. He wasn’t looking at her in the same way, he wasn’t talking to her in the way he always did, and it was her who had broken him.

Amanda could feel tears building up behind her closed eyes, as she thought back to the day. She could hear Tom’s voice in her mind, begging her to explain, begging her to reconsider. She could feel the pain in her own heart, as though, the scars were still fresh. She had never wanted to leave him. She loved him with every fibre of her body. She couldn’t be with him though, her dad had made that clear and the hardest thing she had ever had to do was leave Tom.

On the day that it happened, she wasn’t sure whether she would be able to. The very thought of breaking up with the one person she loved, seemed like a death sentence. It was, as though, her dad was ensuring she would never be happy, she would always be wealthy, yes, but never happy. It wasn’t fair,

She hadn’t seen Tom since that day. She hadn’t talked to him or heard any news about him. It was almost, as if she had imagined her entire relationship with him. It was almost, as if, he had never really existed. She had thought about getting in touch, but whenever she got close to doing so, fear stopped her. She was afraid of what he might be like with her, but she was more afraid that she would break and tell him everything and beg for him back. That couldn’t happen. Her dad would never allow it.

Amanda’s attention snapped back to the room she was in, when she heard a loud knock on the door. It must be time, she thought to herself, as she took one final look in the mirror. She looked perfect. She looked exactly the way, she had always dreamed of looking on her wedding day, but it didn’t matter, the day was too tainted with sadness to find any comfort in appearances.

She walked slowly towards the door and opened it. It was her dad on the other side and, as he took in his daughter, he nodded approvingly. “You look beautiful sweetheart.” Her dad said, as he offered her his arm, to walk her to the church’s hall.

“Thank you.” Amanda said stiffly. She had never been particularly close to her dad. He was a man who only ever thought about himself and his needs. As a child, Amanda had been close to her mom, who had been a sweet natured woman, who somehow could see the good in all people, including her husband. Amanda didn’t have that quality though; she had never been able to see anything but a selfish and greedy man, when it came to her dad.

His greed was what had gotten her into this situation in the first place. He had wanted to expand on her mom’s business. He had made all these plans to franchise and go, global, but it hadn’t worked out. He had managed to bankrupt the business and Amanda had found it on her shoulders, to ensure that her mom’s legacy lived on.

“Amanda, do you know how much this wedding cost? The least you could do is smile, you ungrateful girl.” Her dad hissed at her, as they walked through the church lobby and came to a stop, outside of the large wooden doors, which opened into the hall.

“I’m sorry dad, is my blatant unhappiness bothering you?” Amanda snapped, as she rearranged the flowers in her hand and gave a nod to the doorman, who was waiting to let her in. Amanda had agreed to marry a man she didn’t love, she had agreed to leave the man she did love, but that didn’t mean that she would ever be okay with it. It didn’t mean she would ever forgive her dad, for putting her into the position where she had no choice.

The doorman opened the door and Amanda could hear people’s heads turn to look at her, as the music began to play and she slowly started her walk up the aisle. Amanda looked at the floor the entire walk up. She knew she should be looking at the man she was meant to be marrying, but she knew that if she did, her face would give away everything, she had tried so hard to keep secret.

He didn’t know she didn’t love him. He didn’t know about the business being in trouble. He actually thought that he had come up with the idea, to combine the businesses together. He actually thought that this was all real and that he made her happy. She couldn’t let that change now, not when she was so close.

She stopped, when she reached the top of the aisle and she let her eyes fall on him. He looked handsome in a suit, she couldn’t deny that. He wasn’t Tom though. In all the times she had pictured her wedding, she had always seen the man standing in front of her, as Tom. She tried to push that thought out of her mind, as the vicar began to read out the vows.

Amanda could barely hear him though. He was in arm’s reach of her, but his voice sounded distant and distorted in her mind. None of it seemed real. This was a nightmare, it had to be. Could she really say I do and live the rest of her life with someone she didn’t love? She had to. She was here now and it was far too late to stop it.

“If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not lawfully wed, please speak now.” The vicar said.

Amanda listened to the sound of shuffling feet and muffled coughs. No one was going to give a reason, why would they? To the outside world, Amanda had it all. Come on someone, say something, Amanda thought to herself, as the moment stretched on. She could see the vicar getting ready to continue and then, a noise. What was that noise? It sounded, as though the front door to the church had been opened.

Amanda could feel a strange stirring of feelings in her stomach, as she listened to footsteps making their way towards the large doors, which had closed the lobby off from the hall. She let her eyes fix on the door, waiting to see who was arriving late to her wedding.

“Amanda! Stop!” Tom’s voice cried, as the doors swung open. He rushed into the room, panting, as though, he had been running. His cheeks were red and his hair was windswept, but to Amanda, he looked perfect.

“Tom?” Amanda asked, as shock filled her entire body. What was he doing here? Why had he come?

“Amanda, please you don’t love him and you know you don’t. Don’t do this. Don’t make the biggest mistake of your life. It doesn’t matter why you think this is a good idea, it isn’t. You deserve to happy Amanda and do you know what? I deserve to be happy too and I can’t be without you.” Tom said, as every person in the church turned to look at him.

Amanda could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage. He was right; she did deserve to be happy. She deserved to be with someone, who would storm into a wedding to save her. She deserved someone who she could love with all her heart. She deserved to have a choice. She thought for a moment about the business, about the deal and about her dad. He would never forgive her for this, but she had a feeling that if her mom was still alive, then she would never have forgiven her for marrying without love.

“I’m sorry.” Amanda said, as she looked at the man she was about to marry and then at her dad. “I can’t do this.” She finished, as she turned and ran down the aisle towards Tom. “Get me out of here?” She asked him, with a smile on her face, which had been missing, since the last time she had seen him.

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